You Want Me
by sarahxxxlovey
Summary: “What do you want, Potter?” I ask staring him right in the eyes. “I’m not entirely sure, maybe you though,” he replied with a smile. JP/LE
1. Damn Him

**DISCLAIMER: **I dont own any Harry Potter characters, settings, or plots.

I ran down the corridors of Hogwarts, my heart pounding and my legs pushing me

farther and farther, around the corners and through curtains. I rested her back against the wall the slid down until I was sitting on the floor.

James Potter was possibly the stupidest person that I have ever met in my entire life. It was almost as though he doesn't realize that I care- I mean don't care for him, **AT ALL**. He's quite the idiot. He doesn't realize it at all.

"Lily?" I looked up. Ew, its him.

"What do you want, Potter?" I ask staring him right in the eyes.

"I'm not entirely sure, maybe you though." He replied with a smile.

"You couldn't possibly want me." I say breaking the eye contact.

"But I do." He insists.

"SHUT UP! You're always are bugging me and following me and being stupid and arrogant and pretending that you're in love with me. **Be honest, do you even care about me at all**? Because if you did you wouldn't want something for me that _I don't want_!"

All through my little rant I saw his face standing strong. By the end of my little rant I could see the laughter in his eyes and the smile threatening to take over his face.

"I most likely could have any girl I wanted, but I WANTED YOU. I don't want the girls who fall for me when I so much as look they're way and laughs at all my jokes and kisses me when I put my arm around her. I want the one girl who stands up for what she believes in, and the one who tells me my jokes are stupid, and shrugs the shoulder off even if she wants it to be there." I could feel myself beginning to blush.

"You want it to be there, don't you, Lily? You want my arm around you, and you want to kiss me goodnight, and you want to tell me that you love me." He said once he noticed my blush. He took a step forward and leaned down to my level, his nose a foot away from mine, his eyes looking straight into mine, "Admit it, Lily, you want me."

"I don't," I whisper.

He leaned his face in even closer and it was now six inches away. I could see the little freckles on his face and I realized that his eyelashes are super long and that his lips that were moving tantalizingly slow towards me were looking very appealing right about now. They were now maybe an inch away, and for a second I could feel his hot breath on my face and they were just almost touching, almost there, James, a little closer. I could feel myself leaning in even closer, the torture of the temptation was too great. The want for the feeling of his lips on mine was too great.

Suddenly James pulled away with a smirk playing on his face.

"Sure Lily, you don't want me."

And with that he walked down the hall, chuckling.

_Damn him._


	2. Our Story

The first time I _really_ met James Potter was in Honeydukes candy store in first year. He turned around and looked me once over before saying, "Hey, aren't you supposed to be on the shelf? Cause you looking pretty damn sweet from my point of view." I slapped him.  
I never really talked to him again until about third year, when we were made lab partners during Potions. Professor Slughorn made a very bad choice that day. We were constantly bickering and screaming at each other. (okay, okay, it was mostly me!)

My family didn't really like him either. But I supposed that was mostly my fault. When I would come home for vacations I would sit at the dinner table, stabbing my meat and chewing with vigor, while telling stories about how horrible of a person James Potter was. Petunia always sarcasticly said, "Oh, he's perfect for you Lily!"

_Yeah,_ I thought, _that's about as likely as Remus marrying Tonks!_

He started pursuing me in the third year too. For the next two and a half years, he was the most insufferable jerk I had met in my whole life. He asked me out constantly, put my friends down, and expected me to fall for him. _I didn't._

When I really started talking him and becoming friends with him was during our sixth year. He was good friends with Remus, and I was good friends with Remus too, so we just started talking. He was still a prat, and we didn't really hang out, but that was when I realized that he wasn't as bad as I thought he was all those years.

Then seventh year, well that's when our story really begins.

And I'm here to tell you that story.

The story of how I became Lily Potter.


	3. Party

"No!" I repeated to Marlene for what seemed to be the fiftieth time, "I'm NOT going to that party!"

"Yes, you are actually. And you don't really have a choice." Marlene replied, contemplating whether to serve herself a muffin or oatmeal.

"Yes I bloody do! You can't just force me to go!" I stomped my foot under the table. A scrawny first year jumped about five feet in the air, before squeaking and running away. I grinned sheepishly before remembering I was mad, and resuming my glare.

"Oh come on, Lily! _Everyone _is going to be there. And there will be dancing, and drinking, and games. I mean it's a Gryffindor celebration, and you're a Gryffindor, so you have to celebrate."

"But there will be _drinking_, Marley, and I just can't drink alchohol when I'm Head Girl! This position was practically _made_ to stop these kind of parties that you're trying to get me to go to. I'm not risking my whole school career for some _stupid_ party that you and your little Quidditch friends are putting on become some little kids in uniforms flew around on brooms and shot balls into a hoop!" Over time, my voice had gotten louder and louder until all of a sudden I realized I was standing up over her a yelling. But she didn't even flinch. Instead, she licked her spoon and asked me if I was done yet. I nodded and sat back down.

"Lily, I don't want to get you into trouble or anything, but you've been working so hard and you just need a break. You're studying all the time and you barely get any sleep anymore because you're too busy leading Potions Club or practicing Charms or reading up on stars and Transfiguration. You just need a little time when you're not so stressed!" Marlene replied, finally giving her full attention to me. I could see from her expression that she was serious, and that she truly thought I was over working myself.

I sighed in defeat.

"Okay, I'll go." She squealed and jumped up, giving me a huge bear hug.

I'm going to regret this.

I'm not sure what I was expecting from this party, seeing as I had never been to one, but it was pretty much like I had imagined it to be. The common room was filled with fifth, sixth, and seventh years, all joking around and dancing. The Quidditch team was making their way around the room, shaking hands and receiving many congratulations with an occasional pat on the bat.

"I'd like to thank the Gryffindor Quidditch Team," I heard Sirius slur, attempting to make a toast, "Because without them, we wouldn't have this _fabulous_ party right here." Many cheered in replied, lifting their cups in the air before taking another long swig from their obviously spiked drinks.

"Hey, Lily." I turned around and saw Remus Lupin behind me, with a content smile and gleaming brown eyes, "Some party, huh?

"Hey Remus! Uh, sure. Why aren't you out there with them?"

"Because of that." He smirked and nodded his head towards where Peter was standing in the middle of a circle, doing a ridiculous jig.

"I must say, that's an extremely good reason." I laughed. I talked with him for a few more minutes before Marlene came up, a little tipsy, but not yet drunk, and handed me a plastic cup.

"Drink! That's what you're here for, isn't it?" she shouted over the music before grabbing Remus's hand and leading him onto the dance floor. He looked back and winked at me before turning to Marlene and doing a very suggestive dance with here.

I looked down at the brownish liquid that was swirling in my cup. I braced myself and took a drink, promising myself only to have a few drinks.

That was about five drinks ago. Now, the room was spinning, gently swaying from left to right in front of my eyes. The colors of red and gold started to blur together and the sound became a little muffled. I could feel the blood pounding in my head. It felt like somebody had taken a hammer to my head and hit it a couple more then a couple times. And suddenly, the ground was coming up to meet me.


	4. Hangover

I groaned and opened my eyes, lifting my head from something soft, before shutting them tight again and falling backwards in shock as the light from the lamp on the bedside table pierced them and gave me a major headache.

"Hey, hey there." I heard a voice say gently to me, "let's get you some SoberUp."

"What the hell happened?" I moaned. I tried to cover my face with the pillow to block out the light, but my arms felt like legs and my brain wasn't sending any messages to my arms, or my arms just were listening.

"Well, you got a little wasted." I screwed my eyes up even tighter. After a few minutes, I adjusted to the light and I opened my eyes, and looked around. I realized quickly that I was in the 7th grade boys' dormitory and that it was James who I was talking to.

"Did I.. er, did I do anything too, _too_ horrible?" I wrung my hands at the thought of was I could have done when I was completely inebriated.

Halfway through my question the door swung open and Sirius walked in, brushing imaginary dust from his coat. He grabbed his gloves off his bed before walking out the door again, closing it with a crisp snap.

"No, you didn't." James replied, now that it was just us again, "We got you out of there just in time; it could have been really ugly, but I must say, I'm glad I didn't give up the opportunity to see Lily Evans completely-out-of-her-mind smashed."

I gave him a mini-glare, but he just kept smiling. I pushed back on the pillows and closed my eyes; they room was spinning again.

Suddenly, I felt the bile rising up through my throat. I sprinted to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet just in time not to puke all over the boy's floor. James rushed over to my side and I felt a slight tug of my hair as I emptied my stomach into the porcelain bowl. When I sat up, I wiped my mouth, and for some reason, started crying.

"That was so stupid," I told myself out loud, wiping my eyes as tears started falling faster, "I'm Head Girl! I can't do stuff like that anymore, I mean I never did in the first place, but I certainly can't now and…"

At this point, I was actually crying; my head was pounding, my stomach was still swirling, and, on top of all the physical conditions, I was feeling extreme regret in regards to last night, and everything just wasn't feeling good.

So James scooted closer to me, sitting me in between his legs as I cried against his chest. I finally stopped sniffling and I wiped my nose on the tissue that had been in my hand without me remembering putting it there.

"You feeling a little better now?" he asked me, worry clear in his eyes. I nodded slowly, careful not to jerk my head to hard and get nauseous. All of a sudden, I felt really self conscious, and I wiped my eyes quickly, but stopped midway when I was patting my hair down.

"You braided it." I said, the surprise evident in my voice. My fingers ran over it lightly; it was almost perfectly done. He blushed a little before nodding. "Why?" He shrugged, still tinged pink. I stood up, using the edge of the counter as support.

"Steady there, honey," he whispered to me and I leaned into him once again. I ignored the fact that he had called me honey; I also ignored the fact that it gave me butterflies in my stomach, the good kind of butterflies. He led me gently and slowly back towards his bed, as I couldn't walk properly by myself.

I was still sniffling and giving an occasional sob, and I still felt nauseous and unstable. He went over to his dresser and pulled out a t-shirt, while I stood there, hating the fact that I felt like shit.

He walked back over to me and motioned for me to move my arms from my chest, so I did. I don't remember thinking that he was trying to undress me, so I was a little surprised with he started unbuttoning my blouse. I let his fingers work down the white buttons and I let him pull my shirt off and replace it with his warm t-shirt. My skin tingled white hot where his hands hand touched the exposed flesh, and I shivered a little from the contact.

He then got down in front of me and unbuttoned my pants before sliding them down my legs. The shirt covered plenty of me, going down to my mid-thigh. I had never expected that the first time that I would get undressed by a man would be quite as unexciting, and if I was to be honest with myself, sweet.

I leaned into him once again and he led me all the way over to the bed, pulling the covers back for me once we had arrived. I snuggled in between the covers and rested my head on the pillow. He stroked my hair a little bit before talking again.

"Why don't you go back to sleep?" He asked me, concern clear in his eyes, "You'll feel a lot better if you get a little shut-eye." I nodded slightly. Sleep was sounding extremely appealing right now.

"Thank you, James." I said softly. His cheeks tinged pink again.

"Anything for you." He replied. I closed my eyes and I felt him kiss my head before I slipped off into the darkness.

The light shone gently through the gold curtains and onto the stone floor, which was currently covered with clothes. I opened my eyes timidly and I found that I was neither shocked nor pained.

I was also feeling a hell of a lot better. My headache had been reduced to a gently thudding instead of the unrelenting pounding that it had been previously. My stomach had settled itself and I was feeling refreshed.

I sat up, gently and cautiously, before looking around. Remus was still in bed, obviously sleeping off the effects of him own furry problem. Peter was an early riser, and was probably already in the Great Hall eating or in the library studying. I remembered seeing Sirius go off with some girl last night, so he was probably still with him, or he had moved onto the next one. I didn't see James, until I looked over the side of the bed and almost jumped with surprise.

He was lying on his stomach on the floor, sleeping, a pillow under his head and a blanket covering the lower half of his body, which I assumed covered his pajama pants. His upper body was uncovered. My eyes roamed along the naturally tanned skin, jealous that he was born like that while I was born with the pale white skin, a trait that I had inherited from my mother.

His back looked strong and I could see the gentle rise and lowering that came from his breathing. His face was half covered by the pillow. His faced was completely relaxed, free of any smirk, smile, or frown. It was breathtaking to see him looking so innocent, and I had to admit that I liked seeing him this way.

"Hey Lily." I almost jumped out of my skin, and immediately started blushing when Remus started talking. He had gotten dressed and was now in the process of tying his shoe, having done all of this without me noticing. How did he do that?

"Hey Remus." I directed my gaze back at James's face.

"You can wake him up, you know," he said. I nodded. "But you don't want to, do you Lily?" I blushed again, and shook my head. He smiled once again and left the room with a light slam of the door. He woke James up.

He raised his head, blinking and looking around confused, wondering why he was awake when he had been sleeping so wonderfully merely moments ago. He looked around, and taking his glasses off and shoving them up the bridge of his nose, he stood up and came over to me. I almost gasped when I saw that he was wearing only boxers, but I kept in for the sake of my own dignity.

"How are you feeling?" The side of the bed lowered down under his weight and I looked into his eyes. I smiled; his hair was all messed up and sticking in every direction. He tried to smooth it down after he saw my gaze shift to his hair, but it didn't do any good, so he just gave up.

"I'm good actually. Thanks for taking care of me again." This time he smiled.

"You're welcome. Like I said before, anything for you." He leaned over and kissed my nose.

**A/N: WOW. Very long chapter for me. I really liked this.**

**And this was based off of what my best friends brother did for her while he was sick (not hung over I might add). I added the tenderness that James showed, because obviously that wasn't going on between my friend and her brother. Ahaha:)**

**Well I REALLY hoped you liked it. I'm really proud of myself for getting another chapter up so quick. So review and tell me what you think :)**


	5. Crush

"Jameeeees," I moaned as I dropped my head to the desk, making a loud noise against the wood. "Heeeellllp me! I'm rubbish at this!" I banged my fist against the table and he looked up from the couch where he was sitting, his eyes crinkling up into an adorable lopsided smile. He set his quill down and screwed the cap onto his pot of ink tightly before sauntering over to where I was sitting at the study table in the Heads Common Room and slid smoothly, so smoothly it was almost graceful, into the seat next to me. He took my Transfiguration essay in his hands, his eyes quickly scanning the page before he looked at me with an amused, and almost triumphant, smirk.

"Lily, were you paying attention _at all_ in class today?" he asked with a grin. I dropped my mouth in outrage that wasn't completely there and punched him lightly in the shoulder, not intending to hurt him.

"Of course I was! Look I have the notes to prove it!" I shuffled my papers around, searching frantically for the proof of my concentration and focus, but his hand stopped my own short of its expedition. He gave me a look and I slumped back in my seat, a little annoying with his antics.

"I know, but Lily, but these notes are _completely _off base. You're talking about this theory right here, and it doesn't make sense at all. What you're saying is that…" He kept talking.

I was fascinated with the way that the words were rolling so eloquently off of his tongue and that everything he was saying made perfect sense. I had known that he was intelligent, though not always with his decisions, but I hadn't known the extent of his intelligence until he was explaining the theories to me in detail. The clear understanding and respect that he had for the ideas was astonishing, and I couldn't help but wonder how he knew so much about it.

"James?" I interrupted him. He stopped immediately, and flushed, realizing that he had been ranting about something and had completely lost me, even if he was doing such an amazing job of teaching me. "Can you repeat that? A little slower this time please?" I grinned, and I could tell the embarrassed feeling he had felt was gone instantly, eased by acceptance of his ramble.

For the next two hours, he coached me, first on the theories, then on the application of the theories, and finally on the execution off the spells. He explained everything slowly and clearly, the ideas penetrating my mind deeper then anything having to do with Transfiguration had before. It had always been my worst subject. I couldn't tell what he was doing so differently from the teacher, but I guess it was that he was using simple ways to explain what I was to do and trying to different things to help me understand.

When I finally was able to turn the parakeet into a rat, I shrieked in delight, and promptly ran over to James to give him a huge hug. He responded enthusiastically, but I could tell he was holding back, as not to seem creepy or overly excited. I pulled back.

"Thank you so much, James." I said, my smile evidence of my thankfulness. "I totally would have failed that essay without you." He grinned back, and I knew he was thankful too, but for something completely different.

"Lily, come on, tell the truth," Marlene urged me.

We were sitting on the couches in the Common Room, drinking hot chocolate and gossiping. It had been over a week since the awful getting drunk/hangover incident. James and I had been studying together, and people were shocked at the fact that we could be seen walking through the halls, talking easily and saying hi to each other often. One of the most surprised had been Marlene, which is why she was trying to talk to me.

"Alright, you want me to tell the honest-to-goodness, completely blunt and frank truth?" I asked her. I took another sip of my drink, savoring the feeling of the scalding liquid against my tongue, as I waited for her to answer.

"YES! I've been waiting for years to hear you say this. Lily, I'll ask you one more time, and you _have to_ tell me the truth, okay? Lily Evans, do you like James Potter?"

My heart sped up at the mention of his name and I could feel my face grow heated as I thought truthfully about her question.

"I don't know, Marlene. I mean, this isn't how I've felt about other people before. I mean I liked Charles, and Michael too, but it didn't feel anything like _this_, Marlene. I see him now and I feel like I want to throw up and my head starts to spin because he smells so damn _good_ and I don't know what I'm saying when I'm around him and I _love_ the fact that he's still talking to me, even after I rejected him so many times. I mean, I wouldn't have still pursued me, I'm not particularly sure what he sees in me, but obviously he sees something, I don't know what, but… I just don't know Marlene."

She sat there, looking at me with pondering eyes, trying to figure out what I had meant. We just stayed there for a few moments while she thought.

"Well, Lily, I'm pretty sure you like him. You're head starts to spin when you see him and that has to be a sign of something, I'm sure. Yeah, you like him." She gave me a brilliant and completely smug smile.

The thing about Marlene is that her and James had been friends since Merlin knows when. They had practically grown up together. She saw a side of him that I had never gotten to see, the side that everyone else kept saying was there, but that was never apparent when he was around me.

According to him all the qualities that I had been considering absolutely repulsive for all the years that we had attended Hogwarts were just the bad qualities. He was pompous, sure. He could be annoying, childish, immature, but according her he was also sweet, caring and loyal, thoughtful.

I could see how she would think this. Not so long ago I was thinking he was a spoiled brat, too caught up in himself to see anything else that was going on around him. But this year he had changed. He wasn't teasing me anymore, well not meanly anyways. I would have been concerned if he had stopped all together, but now it was just toned down, and it seemed like he was just doing it to make me smile, and not to try to make me mad.

He wasn't as childish as he used to be either. I guess with the world crashing down around him he didn't really have a choice but to grow up a bit. None of us did. I had heard about the slaughtering of many of his aunts and uncles, leaving him and his parents to be the only true Potters left.

It must have been everything that had us coming together. I realized as I sat with Marlene that day that I did like him, and I liked him a _lot_.

"Okay, you win." I sighed in defeat, realizing that if I didn't tell her then she would just bug out of me for the rest of the week, and the week after that, and in consequence the week after that too. It wasn't worth it trying to deny it to hide my pride. It was better just to get it out in the open. "I like him."

She threw her arms around me and squealed girlishly. I laughed at her enthusiasm, and hugged her back slightly, careful not to let my drink spill on her back.

"This is absolutely _perfect_, Lily! You two are so meant to be, and we'll almost be like real sisters, I mean cause you and him are so going to get married and-" She ranted, but when she mentioned marriage I cut her off immediately.

"Woah there Marlene, don't get ahead of yourself. We aren't even dating; you don't have to talk about _marriage_ yet." I shuddered at the thought of walking down the isle in a big, poofy white dress to James who was standing there in a powder blue suit with a floppy polka dotted bow-tie, grinning like an idiot. The mere mention of a relationship that seriously was freaking me out.

"Okay," she replied simply, but she continued on, "But don't act like it won't happen." I faked gagging and we cracked up, laughing with glee at the sheer ridiculous nature of the conversation that was taking place between us, catching up like the best girlfriends that we were.

**A/N: **Awwwh, cute chapter right? I'm getting a little cocky here. Maybe I should just shut up. But I wont. Because I liked this chapter. Also inspired by my friend who's an amazing student and is the only person can explain it to me so I get it. He's wonderful :)

Good? Bad? Review(:!


	6. Death

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Harry Potter characters, plots, or settings.**

It was a normal day as I sat next to Marlene and the Marauders in the Great Hall. We ate breakfast together, throwing food at each other and telling stupid jokes. James was sitting next to me and I was getting butterflies in my stomach every time our elbows bumped accidentally or our hands brushed when reaching for the same pitcher of pumpkin juice or plate of muffins.

I don't know how he could right it off as something that was to be expected, when I was blushing every single time. Of course he was the one who had professed his undying love for me when he was thirteen years old. I'm seventeen and I still can't tell him that I think he's absolutely adorable.

My revelry was interrupted by the delivery of the morning mail. I had always loved seeing the mail get delivered, ever since our very first morning at Hogwarts. The organized chaos that it displayed was almost graceful in the way that everyone was together but in completely different paths, all going to different places, constantly bumping into each other but still managing to look the mesmerizing beautiful.

I recognized Sirius' owl along with Marlene's as I scanned the hastily, happy to see my beautiful ballet of birds, but wanting to get back to my meal that I supposed was getting cold on my plate. I never really got mail, unless it was from my parents, but I had gotten a letter from them yesterday; I didn't expect another one for at least another week. So I was surprised when I saw a neat, black owl sitting in front of me, holding a letter addressed to me in his beak. I took the letter from him and slid my fingers under the sealed edge of the envelope.

I heard James gasp beside me and I looked at him, confused. His face was filled with disbelief and immense sadness as he looked at the letter that was in my hands. I ignored his response and read the letter anyways.

_Miss Lily Evans,_

_We are extremely sorry to inform you that your parents, Mr. And Mrs. Evans, were murdered last night in their-_

My heart instantly stopped. I scanned the rest of the letter, searching for something to tell me that it was a joke. It would have been a cruel joke, if I had found any sign that the letter was a fake. My head starting pounding and my brain didn't register the words that I was reading. This just couldn't be real, could it?

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, tried unsuccessfully to pull myself together, and acted like I wasn't about to fall apart in front of their eyes. I wasn't about to cry in front of the whole school, in the middle of the Great Hall during breakfast. It was by far the busiest meal of the day, because people didn't skive off to ditch classes or skip it to catch up on makeup work or studying. I wasn't about to start sobbing in front of the whole school.

So I left.

I ran as fast as I could, my legs aching only a fraction as much as my heart was. I could hear voices yelling behind, the sound of heavy foot steps, but I ran, sprinted more like it, away, farther and farther away, trying in vain to escape the reality that was hitting me harder and harder the faster I raced.

Finally I collapsed under the pressure that building under my knees and behind my eyes. My back slid against the wall under I was sitting on the ground; my heart pounding and the tears pouring down my cheeks. I couldn't keep myself in check anymore; I buried my face in my knees and cried and cried and cried.

I didn't know how much time had passed while I was sitting there. I wasn't exactly checking my watch. My sobbing had finally subsided to tears falling steadily down my cheeks. Even though no one was there, I wiped them self-consciously, sure that my mascara was running everywhere and that I looked like a bloody nightmare. The empty hall was somewhat comforting. The soft stone walls of the place that was now my only home were soothing me.

I stayed there, still crying against the skin of my hands and knees, the dull thudding of my heart weakening against my chest by the second. I looked up when I heart footsteps, and I saw none other then Albus Dumbledore standing in front of me, his long robes rubbing against the ground and his crystal blue eyes filled with sorrow. I stood up and walked over to me, and I was surprised when he took me into his embrace, his frail but strong arms wrapping themselves around my body.

He kept one arm around me, silently comforting me as he led me somewhere. I didn't really care where it was, but I assumed it was to his office. My assumption was proved to be correct when I looked up through my tears and saw the gargoyle moving out of the way, eyeing me warily as I walked up the worn stone steps.

Dumbledore entered the circular office and sat me down in the plush armchair, while sitting on the other side of the desk in his own chair. His eyes scanned the room quickly before waving his wand, and creating a pot of tea in front of him, seemingly out of thin air. He asked me without words whether I wanted some, and gave him a curt nod as a reply, not trusting my voice to say anything in my current state.

"Ms. Evans," he started as I took a tentative sip, "I'm extremely sorry for your loss." He started, and then looked up uneasily at me, completely unaware of what to say. I studied his face and could tell that he was wondering what he should say next. I figured that he had made this speech a hundred times over, but I guess it was never something that you really got used to. "We have made arrangements for you to return to your home and meet your sister-"

"No." I stated, surprising myself with my words. My voice sounded scratchy from the crying, but I continued. "I don't want to go home." He looked at me, obviously surprised too.

"Miss Evans, I'm sure that you would like more time to think about this. It would be wise to take some time off from school to sort everything out.

"No," I repeated, my voice stronger. "I'm not going home. I want to stay here."

"Are you sure?" he asked once more, for confirmation.

"Yes. Petunia can take care of things." I felt like I was trying to convince myself of something else.

I knew what too. I was trying to convince myself that if I went home that they would still be there. I was trying to convince myself that this wasn't really happening, and that if I went home Mum would still be making blueberry pancakes and Dad would be sitting at the table, reading the paper and doing the crossword puzzle. But I was also trying to convince myself of what I knew was reality. If I went home they weren't going to be there, and I would just be swamped in the lingering memories that were left in the empty old house.

I jumped at the sound of a knock on the door behind me. I could hear the door slowly creaking open, but I didn't turn around, expecting it to be a teacher coming to take me back to class. But I did turn when I heard an unexpected voice.

"Professor Dumbledore. Lily." I turned around and I saw James, his hair sticking up in every direction, but his eyes not filled with the normal mischief or playfulness. They were filled with sadness, and it was evident with every line on his face that he was there for my comfort and that he was feeling what I was going through.

"Miss Evans?" the professor asked tentatively, "Would you like Mr. Potter to accompany you back to the Head's dorm?" I turned around and James gave a reassuring nod, promising in the small movement that he was only there for me right now. I gave him a watery smile, but it didn't last long, as the grief reclaimed my face quickly. I stood up and mumbled a quick thank you to Professor Dumbledore before walking swiftly out the door and down the stairs.

I could feel James' eyes on me as I walked down the cold corridors, my head pounding and my skin tight with the loss of moisture. When I finally looked back at him his eyes were blank. I figured it must have been his way of dealing with things. When I got emotional, he went blank.

We arrived at the Common Room faster then I thought we would. But I realized that I wasn't accounting for time very well. I walked over to the couch and sat down, he sat down on the couch next to me.

We stayed there for hours. The sun had gone down already and it had come back up, shining cheerfully through the light curtains that matched the whole ambiance of the merry room. The thought pissed me off. How could the sun still be shining when I was feeling this horrible? How could it still be sunny out when my parents were gone?

There was a sudden jolt inside of me and I felt my resistance break and my pride crack.

"Why?" I asked desperately, almost yelling, "Why? If I hadn't been a witch they wouldn't be dead. If I weren't such a _freak_ they would still be alive. It's all my fault. Why did I do this?!"

"Sometimes, there isn't a reason why. You couldn't have predicted that he was going to stoop this low, Lily. This isn't your fault, _at all._" He whispered pleadingly, grabbing my shoulders as if trying to shake some sense into me.

"But why them?" I screamed at him hysterically, pulling myself violently from his arms and pacing around the small room, "They didn't deserve to die! They didn't do _anything!_ I want them back!"

"You can't just state what you want and expect it to happen." There was a biting tone in his voice now, but the urge to comfort me was slowly overriding it, making it disappear as quickly as it had arrived. "Sometimes you just have to accept what's given to you and roll with the punches." My knees gave out from under me and he moved to catch me. I fell into his arms, a heap of tears being crying and anguished moans against his chest.

"Why'd they have to punch so bloody hard, James?" I held onto him like he was my lifeline, finally realizing that he was one of the only people that I had left.

**A/N: I'm not sure whether I'm really comfortable with killing Lily's parents. I needed some tragedy in this story, and I wanted it to be coming from Lily's end, but I don't want it to become like every other story that has them getting together. Just know that she's not going to fall into his comforting arms and they're going to be overcome with fits of passion. **

**On that note, what did you think? hahahah**

**Good? Bad? Review :)**

**SNEAK PREVIEW OF CHAPTER SEVEN:**

_"You don't know what I'm going through, James! You don't even care about me so just piss the hell off." I screamed at him a rage of fury. _

"_You really think I don't know what you're going through!?" he yelled, getting more pissed off by the second. "You don't think I give a damn about what you're doing through? I've been a very similar experience, Lily, so don't be a selfish bitch and act like you're above me because you lost your parents and I still have mine. Don't you fucking dare." And with his final words, his face set into a stone cold mash-up of disbelief, fury, grief, and disappointment. With one last look back at me he stormed out of the room. "I thought you knew better, Lily."_


	7. Rage

If I had to have a broken record, it would be the one that plays him saying, "I love you" over and over and over again. Those words would be the ones that I would choose to play forever. I know that I would never and could never get sick of them.

I closed my eyes, realized that there was a firm ground beneath me, a heaven above me, and that I was stuck right in between them.

"Lily?" I heard James talk to me from behind the couch. I looked blankly at him.

"Yeah?"

"You have to move. You've been sitting here for two months."

"Why should I?"

"Because it's the best thing to do. I didn't know your parents, but I can assure you that they wouldn't want you to waste your life by sitting on the couch." Normally I would appreciate his blunt honesty, but right now I was fed up with it.

"Shut up, James" I said vehemently, my temper instantly flaring. "You didn't know them and you don't know what they wanted for me." He met my glare with a strong set face and fiery eyes.

"That's what I just said, Lily." He replied tersely. "But you have to get up. You have to go to class, and you have to _get on with your life._ Time isn't just stopping for you because you lost someone." I stood up and shot daggers at him with my eyes.

"How _dare _you talk about me like that? I just lost my parents, and your talking about how I need to _get on with my life_?! They were my fucking life, all right? You don't just recover from something like that in a couple days, James. You just don't. I'm not _Super_ Lily." I was working extremely hard not to start a full on screaming match with him, but it was getting increasingly difficult with each passing second. I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing. The sweet James that I had known was gone and replaced with him was the toerag that I had once known.

"NO! Okay? You're not even Lily anymore!" he screamed exasperatedly at me. "This is absolutely **not Lily.**__Lily is smart and funny and doesn't give up for anything in the world. She's loud and vivacious and colorful. You're sitting her on the couch and wallowing yourself in grief when you should be out there trying to rebuild your life! You can't sit here forever Lily, and you know that. I don't know when you're going to realize it though."

I was shaking. My whole body was shaking with anger. My vision was going red and my head was pounding against my skull. It had been at least a year since I had gotten this pissed off at anybody, and I was worried. When I got like this, you _don't _want to be around me. But I pushed the sick feeling to the back of my mind and let the fury take control of my mouth and my head.

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH, JAMES! You don't even CARE about me so just **piss the hell off**." I screamed at him with ferocity.

"You really think I don't know what you're going through!?" he yelled, getting more pissed off by the second, I could almost hear him growl. "You don't think I give a damn about what you're doing through? You're my fucking _life_ Lily, and I've lost you."

"You didn't lose me! I'm right here! I'm just different okay? My parents died and they left me **alone.**__I don't have ANYBODY left anymore!" I screamed at him.

"YOU AREN'T ALONE!" he shouted at me. His voice echoed against the walls and reverberated back into me. His eyes were ablaze with so much anger that it looked like someone had shot a lightening bolt through it.

"How would you know? You don't know me!" I screamed.

"You have _friends_, that's how I know! Marlene's been going _crazy _with the guilt. You haven't allowed her to be there for you! Sirius and Remus too! They aren't just little toys that you can go to when you need them. They need you to talk to them and grieve with them!"

"Grieve with them? _Greive _with them!? How can I grieve with them?! They still have their bloody parents. They can still go home to see Mummy and Daddy! They don't fucking know what I'm going through, okay?

"Don't for a _second_ think that you're the only person who's gone through this. I went through something just as hard, Lily, so don't be a selfish bitch and act like you're above me because you lost your parents and I still have mine. _Don't you fucking dare_." And with his final words, his face set into a stone cold mash-up of disbelief, fury and disappointment. With one last look back at me he stormed out of the room. "I thought you knew better, Lily."

He slammed the door behind him. And for the first time in two months, I sank onto my knees and I cried.

**A/N: **Alrighty! Intense chapter there.

Good? Bad? Review :)


	8. Talk

The next week was horrible. Lily wasn't talking to me, _at all_. I wasn't talking to her either, so I guess we were both to be blamed.

When we would be partnered together in classes, we would simply reassign ourselves to different people. The teachers got pissed off at us, but one glare from Lily and their protests disappeared.

It was hell. I couldn't even look at her during any classes. Those beautiful green eyes were only memories for a couple of days. But my grades went up. I started working on my essays a lot more, and studying for tests. I guess that's what you get. Not worth it, at all, I might add.

So one day I decided that it was time for me talk to the smartest, more reasonable person I knew (besides Lily, of course): Remus Lupin. And that's how we got talking.

"I just don't understand!" I moaned, finally letting my feelings show around him. Sirius would have laughed at me, and well three year olds have more girl experience then Peter does.

"I mean, she doesn't notice the way your eyes light up brighter then I've seen them when she crosses the room. She doesn't notice how you stop and gape at her in the halls because you think she's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. She doesn't know how much you want her," He said

How couldn't she know? She had to have realized that after all this time that I've been chasing her that this is real for me. How can't she tell that I'm not joking? I'd told her time after time after time how I felt, and I'd tried to prove to her that it was real.

"James, you know what I'm trying to say. She doesn't realize that you aren't kidding around, messing with her," he said

"How wouldn't she know? I've told her basically everyday since forever!" I said, getting more exasperated by the second. He wasn't helping much.

"Well that's exactly my point," he replied calmly, "That gives her the impression that you aren't serious, and that you're just trying to get into her pants-" I opened my mouth to protest loudly, but he put his hand up and silently stopped me, "let me finish, That gives her the impression that you aren't seriously and that you're just trying to get into her pants. You have to show her that you're serious, and that you are actually in love with her."

"How?" I asked.

"Well, it might help by talking to her again. Fighting with her isn't the best way to win her over. Go say sorry to her." He stated obviously. I groaned and leaned back into my pillow, the one that still smelled like her shampoo from when she slept there when she was drunk. I had charmed it so the scent wouldn't go away.

"So just go up to her an apologize?" I asked uncertainly. It didn't sound like such a good idea; she was bloody pissed off at me. The last time I had tried that she had put me in a full body charm and walked away.

"Go and apologize." He assured. "She's bound to have let off a lot of her steam by now. I reckon she'll be the point that she doesn't know what wrong, and that she'll want to talk too. Explain your point of view and explain how it's just your worry and concern for her that made you say those awful things."

"But I didn't say anything awful!" I protested, immediately coming up from my position. "She wasn't being herself and I didn't like her that way!"

"James," he said sternly, "you can't say it like that. _You didn't want her that way_ isn't going to be a good enough reason for her to forgive you. It's just going to make you sound as pompous and arrogant as you always have."

"Heeey!" I protested once more, "I'm _not _arrogant. Maybe a little bigheaded sometimes, but not arrogant."

"Just go talk to her, Prongs." And with that he left the room, leaving me to think about her by myself.

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	9. Comfort

He walked hesitantly downstairs, wondering what he would find at the bottom. Maybe she wouldn't even be there; she could have gone to bed by now, but he didn't think that she had. She hadn't gone to bed this early in a long time.

He looked over at the tables where they used to study together everyday after double potions. He would teach her about transfiguration and she would tell him all about potions. It was so convenient how they were experts in the subject that the other was absolutely horrid at. It was just another thing that reminded him about how perfect they were together, even if they were never actually together.

It was weird how much he missed her. He felt like a piece of his heart that had finally been filled was missing again. The warm feeling that he had been getting used to was gone again, and he was left with the bitter after taste. He once again felt the longing for her presence that had finally been satisfied after years of pining.

He scanned the rest of the common room, and his eyes fell on a wild mass of red hair peeking out from behind the cushions of the couch. Making sure not to startle her, her walked slowly, trying to increase the loudness of his step with each one he took. When he reached the couch, he stood on the left side by the arm and looked at her.

She knew he was there, and he knew that she knew. She was sitting with one knee pulled up to her chest, the other sitting like she normally would. Her hair wasn't pulled together perfectly like he was used to seeing it, but he still thought that she was beautiful as she had always been. Even with her face pale and her body shivering, she was still beautiful.

Her head nodded a little and she shivered again. James knew exactly the feeling that she was experiencing right now.

"I haven't cried, you know," she whispered softly still looking into the fire, "Since they died. Does that make me a horrible person?" His heart broke when he heard the depressed tone of her voice; it made her sound like she had already given up.

"Of course not," he said.

"Good, I don't want to be a horrible person."

"You aren't." he said.

"Thanks," she said, finally looking him in the eye. She gave the beginnings of a tiny smile, and then looked back into the fire again.

"You're welcome," he replied

"I'm sorry," she whispered, grabbing his hand and pulling him next to her.

"Don't be," he said.

"But I was such a bitch to you, and you were just trying to help with things, and-"

"Lily, shh. I deserved it," he insisted.

"But-" her voice cracked. He looked down alarmingly at her, feeling horrible. He shouldn't have come and gotten her worked up. The death was about to hit her, and it was going to hit her hard. He pulled her into him arms quickly, just as the flood of tears started.

He rubbed her back and whispered into her ears sweet words for the next three hours. "It's okay," he said.

"I miss them, James," she moaned, the torture of her parents deaths pushing into her voice.

"It'll be alright. They're still watching over you," he whispered comfortingly back. His shirt was soaking wet, and her makeup was running down her cheeks, but he didn't care, he just pulled his arms tighter around her and held her closer. He hated seeing her like this, but if he couldn't stop it, he could at least make it more bearable.

A/N: Alright, I know this was short and not very well written, but I needed another chapter for this story. I was having total writers block (just for this story, how weird is that?) but I needed an update.

**Good? Bad? Review:)**


	10. You Want Me

He gazed at her over his book, watching as she wrote her essay. Her arm moved gracefully as her wrist marked her loopy, perfectly spaced cursive down the page. It was nearly midnight, so of course her vibrant hair was falling out of the neat bun she had styled in the morning. The lingering tendrils curled along the smooth skin of her neck, elegantly falling downwards and gently brushing the crisp white collar of her shirt.

He was completely unlike her. She was still wearing her full uniform; the sleeves of her shirt were still rolled down, all the buttons still buttoned, and Gryffindor colored tie was still secured around her neck. Her black tights still ran along her legs, holding the creamy white skin that resided under them away from his wandering eyes, ending with her buckled shoes. He was taken off his tie, rolled his sleeves up, unbuttoned the first three buttons of his shirt, taken his shoes off, leaving him in his socks.

Her dark green eyes scanned over the essay carefully, delicately crossing out words and replacing them with others after a moment of thinking, perfecting the sentences that were already better then his very best. She looked up momentarily through her lashes into his eyes, and gave him a small smile before her cheeks tinged lightly, her eyes moving back down to her parchment. She had caught him staring again, but he didn't really care anymore.

Her light, nearly pale, skin had gained back more of its color in the last week. It was no longer translucent, and she was starting to look human again. The dark circles beneath her eyes were finally disappearing, and she was smiling, laughing even. Her grades were coming up again, her usual competitiveness slowly returning and knocking him off of the top spot in their classes. He was okay with not being on top anymore if it meant that she was feeling better.

She set her quill down softly and rolled her essay up, sealing it and placing it neatly in her bag. She stood up, directing his attention to her legs, which were hidden under a normal uniform skirt, and sat in the chair next to him. His eyes roamed back up to her face, losing his breath when he saw the smile that she was giving him. She gave him a great hug, wrapping him in her embrace, a silent thank you for all that he had done for her in the past months.

His face buried in her hair, smelling the sweet mix of vanilla and something spicy that was uniquely her. The soft strands tickled his cheeks as he leaned in. They sat there for a few moments, enjoying the feeling of each other, before she pulled away and kissed him tenderly on the cheek. Her face blushed red and she picked up her bag, giving him one last look before walking up the stairs to her dormitory.

But she came back, about five minutes later, this time dressed a little differently. A pair of pink striped pajama pants hung on her body. Her auburn hair tumbled down her back, which was now completely out of the bun, and contrasted brilliantly with the white of the school shirt that she was still wearing. Her feet were bare and he could see the toenails, painted a dark, navy blue, peeking out from underneath the hem of the pants.

Her eyes were softer now, and he could imagine her body being soft too, now that she was dressed in more comfortable pants. He was glad that she had left her shirt on. It looked so good on her, hugging each one of her curves softly without looking like she was trying too hard. She looked relaxed when dressed like this.

She walked up behind him and ran her fingers lightly down his shoulder, finally wrapping her arms around him from behind, hugging his neck. He rubbed his cheek against the warm skin and gave it a sweet kiss before returning to his book.

They stayed in that position, James still in his chair and Lily pressed up behind him for a few moments before she talked.

"James," she said. It wasn't an attempt to get his attention to ask a question, for she knew that she had his attention, always. It was merely a statement, his name rolling lazily and lovingly off her lips. He felt the vibrations of her voice all throughout his body, the effect of the sound washing through his limbs. He shivered slightly.

She lightly ran her fingers along his arms, instantly causing him to come undone beneath her hands. Her open palms rubbed against his chest, over the smooth bumps that he had built through all the Quidditch and running.

Her arms relaxed and splayed on his stomach, calmly touching the firm muscles that resided under the white button up shirt that he was still wearing. She ran her nails across the tight muscles, and he let out a low sigh and his book dropped with a muted thud onto the dark wooden table, his hands atop the printed words.

She watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, about the only sign of trying to keep himself in control, the only sign that his body was betraying his mind. Her hands lowered, coming dangerously closer to his groin. Gently as she could, she stroked the trail of dark hair that led down from his belly button through his shirt. She felt the muscles clench underneath her fingers.

The way she was gently touching him was bringing feelings up that he didn't want around her. Hell, it was bringing up more then _feelings._ But he wasn't about it admit it. It was almost painful the way her hands were caressing his body, tantalizingly slow and enticingly unbelievable. This was better then the hundreds of dreams he'd had about her, more beautiful and amazing then he'd ever imagined.

Her hand sunk lower, yet again, hesitating, but not in the way you'd expect. Hesitant meant that she wasn't sure. She was sure, and the only reason that she wasn't doing to quickly was to tease him, to turn him on. As if he wasn't already turned on enough.

Her fingers rubbed back and forth along the elastic of his low-slung boxers through the thick material of his pants. His ears were buzzing, his vision was blurring; it felt like he couldn't breathe, and like he would never be able breath again, as long as he lived. The sensation of her pressed up behind him through the gaps between the wood of the chair, her hands roaming his body, was so incredible, he didn't think that he would ever find something that felt as good.

"Lily," he whimpered, fully aware that if she didn't stop within a matter of minutes, he was going to either explode or pick her up and ravish her against the wall, neither of which he wanted to happen. The first situation would be horrible for him, a nasty painful experience. The second one would be very painful for him too, as he would be on the receiving end of a few really, _really_ good curses coming from of Lily's wand.

"Please stop," he breathed, "Not because that doesn't feel amazing. Because things are happening that you don't want to see."

Her hands froze.

"Who said I don't want to see?" she whispered back into his ear. The hot breath made his eyes screw up, trying desperately to regain the control that he lost immediately after her words being whispered into his ear. He groaned and dropped his head down. This didn't help, seeing as her warm skin was right there again, pressed against his cheek.

"Lily, do you know what you're doing to me?" he asked.

"No. Will you tell me?" she asked in a seemingly innocent voice. He looked back at her and his hazel eyes met her green.

And she was kissing him. She was _kissing _him. She was kissing _HIM._ She was kissing him and he was kissing her back, with as much passion as he could muster. He stood up, and suddenly he was pressing against her, right up against her, so that he could feel the curve of her breast against his chest and buttons of her shirt against his stomach.

He was surprised when her tongue begged for entrance into his mouth; he usually made a strong move like that. He eagerly opened his mouth wider, allowing her tongue to take hold of his mouth. They were soon fighting for dominance, their lips mashing together, tongues playing a weird game of tag, creating complicated patterns all over their mouths.

He fumbled clumsily with the buttons on her shirt, keeping her mouth attached to his. Getting more and more frustrated with every passing moment he couldn't feel her skin, he finally ripped open her shirt, the buttons making noises like little mice all along the floor as they bumped along, flying in all different directions. He pulled away quickly, and looked down at her. She blushed again, but thanked herself for wearing her sexy, black lace bra that day.

He kissed down her neck, attacking every bit of exposed flesh that was presented wonderfully before him. Her back arched in a fit of wonderful sensations that were heating her up quicker then her most erotic fantasy. The feather-light touches of his lips to her skin were sending her body into overdrive, pumping her heart faster and faster with every passing second. Even with her body sweating and her eyes rolling back in her head, he was still kissing down her body.

"I want you," she moaned. He froze next to her chest.

"You what?"

"I want you," she repeated, her eye ablaze with emotion.

"You want me," he said slowly, before a grin took over his face. "You want me."

He kissed her again.

A/N: Awwwh, I'm finished with my story :/

What did you think? Too smutty? Not enough dialogue? Just right?

But seriously. I had such fun writing this story. It was great! I love Lily & James so much :D They just have such great chemistry. It's amazing. And plus, without them we would have no Harry Potter!

**THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, for reading and reviewing like the wonderful people that you are. Every single one of your stories made me smile and laugh with joy!**

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